I know! You're like, "WHAT!? WHERE THE EFF DID YOU SCORE THAT NOISE?" and I'm all, "I bought a coupon from one of the eighty gazillion spam extreme coupon websites that email me eleventy hundred times per day offering mainly facial laser resurfacing on the cheap, but this time it was movie tickets and a FREE ENTREE." Neil and I were quite pleased with the whole arrangement. Also, I think I just used the slang term "noise" incorrectly.
Anyhow, where was I? Oh yesh. Coupons and movies and excitement. So anyway, I was pretty eager to use my coupon (of which I purchased three) so off we went. We had our delicious half-free dinner (I chose fajitas. Freejitas). ..
INTERMISSION: I just had to pause in the middle of writing this to dig a lemon jellybean out of the dog's mouth. Imagine my disappointment when I discovered that it was just a jellybean and nothing lethal like the elastic band I was oringinally envisioning. *Not disappointed because Sunny will survive, but disappointed because if I hadn't been so concerned for her life, it would have been hilarious to sit back and watch her try and chew it even though it kept sticking to her teeth and she looked so pathetic and so happy all at the same time. Also, I may have given it back to her and watched her finish it and I may not have. Who's to know? Back to my important date night story.
So in my excitement, I quickly dispatched myself from the theatre to use the ladies; super fast before the movie began and stuff, right? Don't wanna miss any slaughtery and distopiaAAAaaa! So I zipped into the ladies room with purpose, only to discover a man peeing in a sink. In the ladies. I froze.
And then it got dark and fuzzy in my brain. Confusing. I saw many many many many spots. My life flashed before my eyes. Everything was topsy turvy and wrong. My surroundings shrunk and the room began to spin. All of these things did happen in the span of the 3 second decade that it took for me to fully accept the verisimilitude that I was not in the ladies room and that the man whom I was staring at was rightfully peeing away in a urinal.
So what did I do? Sneak out stealthily? Undetected? Sheepishly? Silently into the cloak of theatre-y darkness? Of course not. I am incapable of behaving like that when I'm in a stupor of embarassment. I announced myself in a sports announcer type of voice. Of course.
The End.
PS. A little birdie named DBS'S daughter informed me on the facebook that DBS may or may not have had a verrrrry eeerily similar experience today in the mall while wearing certain protective headgear. Care to elaborate, DBS? EH? Do you? *squinty face*
14 comments:
I'm super jealous... I've been wanting to see that movie since it came out!
though not jealous of seeing a man pee in the ladies room... that's just wrong.
I DID! I DID! This is like some sort of cosmic universe incident thingy I don't even know but I did the same thing today! To add to it all, I was wearing dark sunglasses (due to an um, medical condition) when I actually USED a stall in the ladies' bathroom today at the mall before I realized where I was!
P.S. Your fantastic visuals illustrate my exact emotion.
Maybe you should stick with Netflix.
I have walked in the ladies room a couple of times. I just turn and walk back out. Never saw anything interesting.
I imagine if I was in this situation I would stealthily sneak out.
Wow. Your movie theaters have HUGE bathrooms.
You story reminds me of a trip to Belgium in the late 90's. It was common to see the urinals in the bars, in the hallway leading to the WC's. It took a bit of getting used to, and several beers, before I felt comfortable peeing in the hallway as woman walked past to use the restroom.
I walked into the men's room once at college and a poetry professor was at the urinal. He whipped his head around and snapped at me: "Nice!"
I walked into a ladies room at a Walmart a few weeks ago (texting + walking = BAD).
I was in and out in 5 seconds, no harm no foul. The lack of urinals tipped me off, and I bolted back out, red-faced and glad it was empty.
I THOUGHT I was undetected, when a security officer stopped me before I reached the exit. He had tears in his eyes, and said "Dude, the look on your face was PRICELESS!"
I'm probably on youtube somewhere...
Hilarious! So glad I clicked the link to your blog from dbs' post.
Maybe this was a Friday the 13th phenomenon?
Bahaha! This post killed me. I am dead.
LOVE IT!!! But the real question is.... did you like the movie???? LOL
Totally just cracked me up.
I figure it's only a matter of time before I go into the men's restroom.
One restaurant/bar where I live have signs that say "Pointers" and "Setters," but they also have arrows pointing to the opposite door. It's only a matter of time and a couple of drinks before I mess that up.
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